Well, then, don't do that

Me: "Doctor, it hurts when I do this."
Doctor: "Then don't do that!"

I need to invent an eye-rolling machine to save the countless millions who work with people who subject them to conversations like this one:

"Who do I send this to?"
"The bank."
"What bank?"
"The one that drew up the Agreement."
"That's a mortgage company."
"The mortgage company, then."
"But you said the bank."
"The mortgage company acts as a bank."
"But it's not a bank."
"Okay, it's not a bank."
"What bank should I send it to?"
"Uhhhh...the mortgage company."
"But you said to send it to the bank."

*Where* did you say you were from??

This was part of an e-mail I received. No further explanation necessary - or possible. "MSN® Hotmail® Plus is available in 15 languages. Please select English if yours is not one of them."

Remember Ursula?

I loved the show, "Mad About You." I liked most of the characters and even the bizarre ones seemed like they could be real people. But they weren't. At least I didn't think they were, until I met...we'll call her Tiffany. She's just like Ursula, only not funny. And that's the problem.

Today's adventure: Me trying to explain how to save a document. I told her to hit the "save" icon.
"Which one is that?"
"The one that looks like a floppy disk."
"Which one looks like a floppy disk? I don't see it."
"It's about fourth from the left."
"I don't see it." I got up and pointed to it.
"That one."
"Not that one!"
"Okay, not that one."
"That doesn't look like a floppy disk. It looks like a TV."
"If you think so. Just press it."
"Don't you think it looks like a TV?"
"Not really, no."
"Why would they make it look like a TV?"
"I don't know. Just press it."
"I don't know how they expect anyone to understand these programs if they are going to make things so unclear."

It's just too much to comprehend.