A new signature

Our bosses have obscenely bad handwriting. They can't even read it themselves sometimes. Naturally, their signatures bear no resemblance to either the letters in their names or any letters in the Roman alphabet, for that matter. They each have signature stamps that look similar to their usual scribbling and we use them on letters of lower priority.

This afternoon, Tiffy showed me a draft letter and pointed, saying, "Look! A new signature!"

I looked. Her boss had handwritten the word, "Stamp."

Check your head at the door

Tiff was asked to deposit a check but wasn't given a deposit slip. She was told she could get one at the bank. She was concerned because she didn't have the account number and I agreed that she should find out what it was. Then she looked at the check, pointed to the numbers at the bottom and exclaimed, "Oh, here it is!" 

 I said, "No, that's our account number." 

She sniffed, "How do you know?" 

 I took a deep breath and said, "Because that's the account the check is drawn on." 

"Well, maybe he wants it deposited there." 

"Why would he write a check and then redeposit it into the same account?" 

"I don't know. Sometimes the things he wants don't make sense. Oh, wait - what's this number written on the back?" 

"That must be the number for the account he wants the money deposited into." 

"Are you sure?" Sigh.

What's law got to do with it?

Tiff: Do you know where he keeps the Law Division briefs? He's gotta have one in the computer but I can't find it.
Me: Which file are you working on? It would be in the computer under that client's name.
Tiff: That has nothing to do with it. He wants me to copy paragraphs 2 and 3 from the Law Division brief.
Me: From the file you're working on.
Tiff: No, from the standard Law Division brief. Doesn't he have them on the computer?
Me: There is no "standard" Law Division brief. They're all different because each individual client's case is different. Look in the file folder for the case you're working on.
Tiff, looking through the paperwork: There isn't one. Unless he means from...this? (shows me the Law Division brief from the client's file)
Me: Yes. And it will be in the computer under that client's name.
Tiff: Oh. Okay. Thanks.

Maved?

Tiff, talking loudly to herself: Maved? What kind of a word is 'maved'? How am I supposed to spell that? (turns the dictaphone on speaker so that I can hear it.) Is he saying 'maved'? 

Me: Sounds like 'made' to me. M-a-d-e.  

Tiff: But it doesn't sound like 'made'. It sounds like 'maved'. 

Me: 'Maved' isn't a word. 

Tiff: But he uses strange words all the time. Me: Type whatever you think is right. 

Tiff: Well, he can always change it.

I can't delete this

Tiff: I can't delete this. 

Me: Press the delete icon. 

(Tiff bangs on the keyboard) 

Tiff: It doesn't work. 

Me: What are you doing? 

Tiff: Pressing 'delete'. (Bangs some more) 

Me: The 'delete' icon, not the 'delete' key. The 'delete' key only works when you're using a word processing program. 

Tiff: Well, how am I supposed to know that?